This weekend provided a shock. I was just curious to see if my book was listed on Amazon, so I checked. It was there. I felt a strange mixture of elation and dreadful fear. Sure, it's exciting to have something you've worked so hard and so long on finally see the light of day. But then, people will start reading it, and giving opinions. What if it flops?
I know. It's a sign of my insecurities. I still feel like a novice when it comes to writing. I've grown by leaps and bounds, but I know so little about how to truly craft a good book. What I do have, I believe, are interesting characters and an interesting setting. I hope the plot, which has seen several major overhauls, will also be interesting. When you put something like this out, it is a major investment of self, and it can leave you open for emotional injury. I think that's why I'm scared.
At the same time, I could have gone the safe route, just leave the manuscript, unsubmitted, on my hard drive where no one could read it. That way, I wouldn't open myself up to the emotional risk. And I'd always wonder what it would have been like to publish a book. Sure, the book could flop, but it could succeed, too, and if I had never taken this risk, I would never have had a chance to find out.
The one thing I know for sure, though, is that I could not have done this without the guiding hand of the Lord.